I went to IKEA today to buy frames for the show, and somehow got dehydrated. Drunk a million glasses of water when I got back, and tried to finish a painting while dealing with the headache and strange disorientation of trying to get back to feeling like myself. I’m going to send everything to River Oaks on April 1st. 2 more days to finish framing and hopefully finish at least one more...
The first step out of depression means it comes and goes in waves. It’s good to KNOW that I’m heading in the right direction, but it FEELS even worst, because in the moments when I’m feeling half way OK I forget about how close depression is. Then half an hour later, it hits me like a ton of bricks.
Getting ready for my Louisiana solo art show. And, for the first time, took a sketchbook full of art apart. It was scary, but the operation was a success and no paintings were harmed in the process.
Today Ned and I shot with a really awesome stylist, the concept was feathers. The pictures came out beautiful, Ned and I edited them down to 353 images - more editing tomorrow. I got a couple of really nice comments on facebook today about the photo I took of myself a couple of days ago (with the red flower in my hair). They made me feel sort of uncomfortable, because I know it’s not...
Ginger’s sick. She has Urinal infection and been pissing in the house since yesterday. She’s on antibiotics. I know that she’s in pain but there’s nothing I can do about it. I feel so helpless. I feel like all I’ve done today was wait. Wait for a table in a restaurant, wait for Ginger to pee on the bed again, wait for a chilly cookout to start then end, wait...
Tired after a very strange shoot day. We were supposed to do a rushed shoot, then the model didn’t show up, we ended up with 2 models, on a very long shoot day. We had some really intense conversation, learned a lot of interesting stuff about the Philippines, eat a crazy amount of M&Ms and Hershey’s kisses and pizza, drunk a huge amount of coffee, got stressed, bored, inspired,...
In good days it’s hard to remember how a misstep, one false move, a thought or a gesture out of line can make me fall fall fall all the way down to depression and anxiety. On a bad day, it’s impossible to remember the good days.
Day 13: A date you would love to go on
I think I only went on like 2 dates in my whole life… Since I’m married, I don’t think I go on date now, we just do stuff together. So, a thing I would love to do more with Ned is for him to shoot me, she never wants to, almost every time he did is because I really pressured him to, it makes me sad that i live with such a talented person who make every woman he shoot beautiful...
Sick day 2. Too much sleep, too many nightmares, too much guilt, too much thoughts. Feeling utterly useless and just want to hide and lick my wounds.
All that gold does not glitter
Last 2 pages in Anders book.
In Anders book for moleskine exchange
Day 12: Things you want to say to an ex
1) I don’t even like you anymore, every time I see your facebook update it’s annoy me 2) I wish you’d start living instead of waiting for life to happened to you 3) I haven’t seen you since we were 18, though I sometime see a photo of you in the papers, I wonder what type of a person you grew out to be 4) I can’t understand how you ended up with the life you have...
Day 11: Your current relationship
I love Ned. I love the way we are building our life together, I love spending whole days together. I love how different we are from other couples I know, from other relationships I’ve had or from what’s supposed to be a good modern relationship. I love the lack of boundaries between us. I love how even after being married for 4 and a half years and spending almost everyday together he...
Day 10: Your views on alcohol and drugs
I guess I’m both pro and against. On one end I’ve seen too many friends and relative have a really bad reaction to drugs, especially people who had psychotic episode after smoking a lot of pot. On the other hand I do drink and I do like how it makes me feel. I think that every person has to right to poison themselves however they see fit. The problem as I see it start when people...